My Dearest Pain
by Lunadia
Summary: SLASH!LegolasXAragorn AragornXLegolas series of poems that tell a story. Legolas leaves Aragorn to Arwen, and many bad things happen. Angsty very much so
1. Leaving

**_Warning:_**This is SLASH! legolasXAragorn also very angsty... enjoy

**_disclimer:_** not mine....VV.....

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_**Legolas**_

I am now leaving,

starting out on a journey.

My heart is still grieving,

for the love that burns me.

Immortal is my soul,

and my forbidden desire,

forever taking it's toll,

as I fall higher and higher.

I will love you always,

Cherish you close to my heart.

For the rest of our days,

I will force myself to remain apart.

I will not interfere,

I will not allow you to see the love in my eyes.

I will not hold you near,

Instead I'll tell you all the lies.

All that you want to hear.

All the while my soul dies.

I cannot take from you,

The joy you have ever sought,

The lights in my heart grow few,

At the very thought.

Aragorn, my King,

I will hide my forbidden love,

It must never be seen,

for it is not enough.

You are happy with her,

Arwen Evenstar,

And I must be sure,

That I remain very far.

For if I remain close at hand,

I will lose my self control,

Giving in to my heart's demand,

Following the needs of my soul.

I would be unable to stand by,

Watching you from afar,

My elven eyes would cry,

Tears calling to my star.

I must protect you,

And the love you and Arwen share,

I flee the morning dew,

Leaving because I care.

I would not lose what we share,

I will cause you no more pain,

I'm sorry I can't be there,

My elven tears blending in with the rain.

I am so sorry Aragorn,

to leave you on this night,

but my heart is forlorn, my soul weary and worn,

And I have lost the Elven light.

If you saw this feeling that I hide,

You might change your mind,

And so you must remain blind,

As I try to be naught but kind.

You must not glimpse this love of mine,

Shining forth so divine,

For you might lose Arwen then,

And I would lose a dear friend.

I am sorry my King,

This elven voice shall no longer sing,

In sorrow I must leave your side,

And it is for you that I have cried.

Dearest strider,

Forgive me for this night,

I only wish to hold you tighter,

And to steal your heart is not right.

I bid you a forlorn farewell,

Hiding a secret I cannot tell,

I look back in the rain,

Sad that I'll never see your face again.

Goodbye, my love, my dark haired King.

Goodbye, my heart, and the darknes you bring.

Goodbye, my ancient soul that's torn,

Goodbye, my dearest Aragorn.

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I dunno, should I turn this into a fic? If you guys think I should, I will. please Review, this is my first try and leggy and aragorn so I want to know how I did. Thankee everyone!

Lunadia


	2. Running and Returning

_**Aragorn **_

Legolas my dear,

Why'd you go?

Why'd you leave me here?

I wouldn't have said no.

I saw you in the rain that night,

saw the love shining in your eyes,

It will never be right,

You're not the only one who cries.

I have a secret my dear friend,

One I have never shared.

I would've told you in the end,

But yet I hadn't dared.

Everyday that goes by,

I miss you a little more,

I sit down and sigh,

Wishing you'd walk through my door.

For Arwen and I were not wed,

She loves me like a brother,

Like my own her love faded she said,

Legolas, I love you and no other.

I tried to follow your trail,

I even saw your hunched up form.

I was on your tail,

My heart heavy and forlorn.

Yet when you sensed me,

You leapt up and fled away,

Blinded by my tears I couldn't see,

I only wanted you to stay.

I tried so very hard,

Following your footsteps to the Sea,

My soul forever scarred,

Why did you run from me?

I returned home,

Locking myself in my room,

Dying inside I'm alone,

Welcoming my approaching doom.

Then you returned to Middle Earth,

Walking in my land,

It was my soul's re-birth,

Having you so near at hand.

Yet you pass me by,

Never a glance my way,

So I sit in this room and die,

A little more each day.

I sit here as I wait,

Watching you walk passed,

Quietly accepting my fate,

Waiting every moment until the last.

I sit here alone,

Awaiting your return,

I cry and I moan,

Icy tears that burn and burn.

You are the one that I love,

The reason why I live,

But is that enough?

I have nothing left to give.

I already gave my heart,

My soul soon after,

I gave my pain as my mind tore apart,

And I gave you my laughter.

Remember the kiss?

Love that burst forth in an overwhelming torrent?

The seemingly eternal bliss?

Which is now my daily torment?

When will I again be yours?

Free from all my pain,

Your love opening locked doors,

Spilling blood and tears like rain.

All I want is to be loved,

To walk hand in hand,

Is that too much,

Of a demand?

So tell me please,

How long will I remain here?

Sitting, praying on my knees,

Full of scorching pain and agonizing fear?

Afraid that you'll forget,

And leave me in this place,

Afraid that you'll forget,

The sight of my aging face.

You left me long ago,

With tears in your eyes,

You left me here alone,

To my own demise.

Your eyes promised you'd come back,

And your love they still proclaim,

It's action that you lack,

Yet you are not the same.

You seem to be waiting,

For the moment Opportune,

Before we resume dating,

And I hope that time is soon.

So I sit here in my Home,

Looking out the window as you pass,

Waiting on my own,

My face pressed against the glass.

Your eyes screamed to wait for you,

To keep my heart locked tight,

If only you knew,

How hard I have to fight.

I fight for my very sanity,

I fight for my fading life,

Having long since lost my vanity,

I find it hard to lay down my bloody knife.

The knife that cut my arms and face,

Drew bright red lines across my chest,

As I let myself fall from grace,

Not laying it down, but trying my very best.

Yet I have no choice,

My love chains me to your soul,

I have lost my voice,

Without you I am not whole.

I am forced to wait,

Every night and day,

But now it gets too late,

For me to be okay.

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So, what do ya think? Angsty no? There WILL be more chapters, 4 at least, so please come back and check them out? Review loves!

Lunadia


	3. Realization Tomorrow is another Day

_**Legolas **_

I flee into the rain,

But I sense your steady gaze.

I see your hurt and pain,

See your body as it sways.

I plead with my eyes,

Let me leave for now my light,

Let me escape my horrid lies,

Let me flee into the night.

Please don't make me stay,

Don't make me kill my soul,

Don't hate my love and push away,

Shattering the heart you stole.

I love you now and always will,

I promise I'll return.

Your eyes watch me still,

And into my soul I feel them burn.

My tears fall down my face,

As I look up into your eyes,

Shining with an unknown grace,

Yet you're not the only one who cries.

Wait for me Estel,

Lock your heart so tight.

Remember my promise well,

I will return one night.

I see you nod and turn around,

Then I stumbled and nearly fell,

I heard the most painful, inhuman sound,

Though whether from you or me I cannot tell.

I sense a wave of fear,

Yet it is not mine and I grieve,

I must flee here,

Or I won't be able to leave.

Every night that goes by,

I regret even more,

I sit down and cry,

Wishing I knew what for.

I left you for Arwen,

Who loved you more than I ever could,

But that was what I believed then,

Denying my truth to protect your inner good.

I heard you follow me next day,

Running at an incredible pace,

Yet I just ran faster away,

Afraid to see your face.

Then one night I was rocked to the core.

You did the impossible with aching grace,

I saw you once more,

I drank in the image of your face.

I see you through a teary haze,

Then in fear I leap upon my feet,

Your broken eyes ablaze,

Downright refusing defeat.

Then I saw you crumble to the ground,

All your energy depleted,

You knew I wasn't truly found,

And your shoulders sagged defeated.

Yet when I arose and fled as fast as my legs would wind,

I sensed you follow not so far behind,

Where you got your strength and speed,

I may never know,

Yet later I learned to bleed,

Crimson silver stained the snow.

I fled to the Sea and ran right in,

Knowing you weren't far.

In the boat I smelled you on the wind,

I'll love you wherever you are.

I sank into the boat and died,

Over and over the other elves tried to save me,

Every time they looked they cried,

And I wasn't better until we crossed the Sea.

All night and day,

I remembered you,

As my life faded away,

The elves trying all they knew.

Yet once on land I could forget,

The pain slowly eased,

I wouldn't die yet,

And my self-destruction ceased.

I dreamed of you one starry night,

Of red spilling down your chest and face,

I was filled with horrid fright,

As I watched your star fall from grace.

I'd left you in the rain,

So you might enjoy a life of love and beauty,

But even here I sense your pain,

And I forsake my inner duty.

I swore never to return,

Yet I cannot let the fire claim your life,

I cannot let you burn.

I cannot let you die on your own knife.

I sense you as you embrace the thought of death,

I sense some sort of fight,

I sense you take another breath,

I sense you looking for the light.

That night when you did what no immortal could do,

Death was blazing in your eyes and you did not give in,

Refusing defeat as you followed me so fast you nearly flew,

Allowing neither death nor me to win.

Yet now I realize,

Exactly what I've done,

It was death in your eyes,

Eyes as bright as the sun.

I see it now and blanch, coughing in a bark,

I stole your soul, your light,

And left you alone and in the dark,

I took it with me and you didn't have the strength to fight.

Now I know I must run to your side,

Before I lose you forever,

It was that night that you died,

When I forced our souls together.

You were not running after me in anger and in pain,

Your so-called friend stole your soul and it hurt,

I betrayed you in the endless rain,

Wearing your soul unknowingly like a second shirt.

I returned to Middle Earth,

Walking in Gondor and releasing your tattered soul,

Yet it comes back to me in all it's worth,

Your heart had shattered and the loss has taken its toll.

I must remain near for your soul to live,

Yet the instant I see your face it will contort in hate,

My own soul I cannot give,

For me it is too late.

So I stay nearby,

Keeping your broken soul alive,

And every night I hear the stars cry,

For the love that could not thrive.

Because of me you lost Arwen,

For without your soul you could not love or smile,

It's my fault again,

And in my mouth I taste bile.

Your mind and body are so broken,

Your soul they cannot hold,

My own pain re-awoken,

Of Arwen's and your own fate I'm told.

Without your soul you sit alone and fade,

Yet I would only make it worse,

If I'd known I'd taken it, I would've stayed,

Now I know how much it hurts.

I have loved you all my life,

Yet I have taken so much,

I have even taken your bloody knife,

And infused you with a fear to touch.

Remember the kiss?

Love that burst forth in an overwhelming torrent?

The seemingly eternal bliss?

Which is now my daily torment?

I had dared to show my love then,

Stealing your laughter away.

Forgetting the fair Arwen,

I had seen that I could not stay.

All I wanted was to be loved,

To hold you in my hand,

But I deserve to be shoved,

Thrown out from your land.

I walk passed the castle everyday,

Letting you sense your soul.

I try to send it away,

But it returns to the one by whom it was stole.

So everyday I wait,

Longing for you to pull it back,

Yet it always stays,

As if the room for it you lack.

I know that you still cut deep,

As rivers of blood only I see flow by,

And yet still your soul I keep,

Not allowing you to die.

I am sorry my friend,

Though words could never say,

I will wait with you until the end,

Showing what words cannot convey.

I will not leave this place,

I will make up for what I've done,

Until I die or you return to grace,

I will watch in stars or sun.

For stealing your soul was raping your heart,

I know this now as I sense your mind falling apart.

You are empty because of me and I hate myself,

Knowing you do as well,

How can I call this being that is me an elf?

Having created your living hell?

Oh my Estel,

You walk into the night,

How you hide it well,

As I watch you in the moonlight.

Then slowly you turn around,

And I cannot flee,

I do not make a sound,

But I know that you see.

Your lips slowly part,

As if about to speak,

But into the black I dart,

My impure form has become far too weak.

I run into the night,

Running far and fast,

I flee your blinding light,

Knowing true shame and fear at last.

I cannot let so glorious a king see,

For I do not deserve to stand in what is left of your light.

You cannot glimpse this new me,

For I would burn your eyes and blind your sight.

So foul a creature have I become,

My skin would absorb your last bit of glow,

And to that I will not succumb,

I will flee and tell my evil inner darkness no.

Oh Estel,

You're as beautiful as ever,

I can barely tell,

But I meant it when I said never.

I will hide in shadows as I follow,

I will protect your last bit of life,

Only I notice that your laughter's hollow,

Only I see the scars of your knife.

And so I leave you in the garden,

Swearing to keep near,

I feel my resolve harden,

As I finally lose my fear.

I back slowly away,

Tonight is not the night,

And Tomorrow is another day.

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Umm.... how was that? Poor Leggy, ne? Please please please review? If I get a review tonight I promise I'll post another chapter tonight. So please? For Legolas and Aragorn? Review if you want more, and if you don't than this plea ignore. ... I'm okay, really I am....

Lunadia


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